Gee – a real life story – Part 5

Transition…

Gee proceeded to tell me that she had been sexually abused by one of her older brother’s friends when she was much younger. The abuse had gone on for a while and Gee had told noone.

She would later tell me that she truly thought she would not be believed and that everyone would side with him. Like most victims of abuse, he had made Gee feel so helpless that the option of telling anyone and seeing their reaction would be shameful.

Her fault.

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Things moved very quickly, the police became involved and Gee underwent hours of questions

The perpetrator was arrested and pleaded guilty to the charges. Gee was overwhelmed.

In my work, I often see the most awful circumstances create the most solid and beautiful state of growth and I solemnly believe that there are very few instances that we experience in life that do not serve us in some way… in the end.

This was demonstrated rather dramatically with Gee.

She slowly got her mojo back…and more!

Her and Tom’s already rocky relationship had been further damaged by the abuse declaration. Tom was angry with the World, a World where someone could do this to anyone, let alone the love of his life.

Unfortunately for them both, their relationship was not yet mature enough to weather this storm. And yet it was Gee who made the decision to end it.

Then she made some more decisions.

Gee applied to and gained a place at a Uni far away from where she lived. (Yes – Uni! The girl who nearly didn’t make it through her GCSE’s)

Gee wanted to leave the World behind and start afresh. I felt in my heart this was what she needed and hoped she was able to call on that strength and resilience when she needed to.

The time had come for our final session…

broken heart love sad

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We were both nervous and full of anticipation. I was trying to remain professional knowing that for Gee this was going to be difficult.

I had tried to do a lot of work with her about how people move through life and have relationships that end but this wasn’t always a bad thing.

This girl had not only suffered loss, the key loss being the support of her mum who had moved away from the family; she had also never seen the joy of a healthy relationship and how she could play her part in it.

For Gee, leaving school was going to be unbearable.

She came and sat down, a cheeky grin on her face. I returned her smile. She was uncomfortable and squirmed in her seat. I felt uncomfortable too but I had to take charge of the situation.

“Here we are” I said, looking at Gee

“Yep! Here we are” her eyes widened

“How do you feel?” I ventured

“Crap!”

“Why?”

“You know why”

“Yes I do, but you also know that this has to happen to enable you to move forward”

Gee was silent, she played with her bag like a much younger child would.

“Will I ever see you again?” She blurted

“Well I’m sure we’ll bump into each other at some point and besides I’d love to know how Uni goes.”

“Would you meet me for coffee sometime?”

“I’d really like that Gee but as long as we both understand that I’m not your counsellor anymore”

I could feel my clinical supervisor’s raised eyebrow burning into the back of my head.

“You see, do you remember what I said about how we make a journey through life and people are part of that journey? Well hopefully, you can see that we can continue our journeys separately but with a shared interest to see how each other is getting on”

“I don’t want to get you in any trouble”

“You won’t”

With that Gee stood up rather unexpectedly and gathered her things.

“Can I have a hug?” she asked

stone artwork

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“You? Hug? But you don’t do hugs!” I laughed

“I do with special people”

We embraced, and I held her tiny back in my hands.

“You’ll be amazing” I whispered to her “But you have to let yourself do it!”

We separated, and I followed Gee to the door of my room. She didn’t look at me.

“See you for coffee soon then” She quipped as she strode back to her lesson.

She didn’t look back, I suspect because she didn’t want me to see the tears in her eyes.

Just as well, she would have seen the tears in mine too.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Gee – a real life story – Part 4

Gee – A real life story – Part 3

Gee – A real life story – Part 2

Gee – A Real life story

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Welcome back to the World

As we yawn snivel and cough our way through January and Christmas is a distant memory we have the amazing opportunity to look forward with thanks and appreciation.

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I can personally resonate with this. Today is my son’s 22nd Birthday, a happy day and a day where for some reason every year (it must be a mum thing) I am taken back to the day when he came into our World. A day for me to look at him and remember how proud I am of the young man he has become.

Its been a little harder for me this year as we suffered the loss of my mother in law just before Christmas and this week my Nan passed away. Added to this, our beloved dog, Gypsy is battling with a liver tumour.

So, how do we find it within ourselves to move forward with excitement and an inquisitive mind?

Many of my young adults have had a tough time over Christmas and have found comfort in being back in the school environment. For them, its been difficult to muster the enthusiasm needed to face a new year when they haven’t seen a great year before it.

Here are some handy tips for bringing a little bit of hope into our lives for a while…

1.Give thanks

Take a few minutes to write 5 things you are thankful for. For each person this will be different and no matter how small its still significant. Here are mine…

5 things to be thankful for

2. Allow time for thoughts to flow

Good AND Bad. All too often in life, we run away from thoughts or feelings that feel difficult. It’s no surprise that they don’t go away but they stay and fester, causing dis-ease which can be emotional or even physical.

Find a quiet spot and allow yourself up to 15 minutes where you will not be disturbed. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath for a minute or so.

Let the thoughts come and just… think them, good or bad

Instead of making a judgement on them, try and see where in your body you experience them.

Locate the physical sensation and experience it fully.

Try and link the feeling to the thought and get to know it. This will help you to be with the feeling rather than working against it.

Note how you feel.

3. Set a goal

It could be one day, one week, one month, one year ahead.

The goal could be as large as a career change or as small as saving for a treat.

Plot a plan and work towards it in small steps.

Setting a goal can help you to look forward to the future rather than focusing on the past.

I wish you all a happy healthy 2019

My goal is to cuddle my beautiful pooch every day…

gypsy

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

And…Breathe

Why Introverts might love January

What just happened?

And…Breathe

I have been really pushing a new breathing technique with my young adults and it has had a lot of success

As an avid lover of yoga and yogic breathing methods, I’ve enjoyed adding this new and simple technique to my day…

Square Breathing is the simple act of breathing in and out with pauses. Let me explain…

Stand up and take a deep breath in. Notice where your body expands.

For most of you it will be the upper body. Try again and imagine trying to get the air into your lower tummy.

Feels lovely doesn’t it?

Using this breath, simply…

Breath in for 6

Hold for 6

Breathe out for 6

Hold for 6

Repeat

Continue for about 60-90 seconds. You might feel a bit woozy but this means it’s working. That’s just the oxygen feeding your amazing brain!

Let me know how you got on by commenting below

Please contact me or check me out on Facebook or Twitter for more info

Why Introverts might love January

Phew, thank goodness that’s over for another year!!

man sitting on green chair near trees and mountain under blue sky at daytime

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I have an INFJ personality type.

It is said that I am the rarest personality type with less than 1% of “me’s” in the World population! I think that’s pretty cool but it does cause problems when I talk about my introversion to my amazing Extroverted friends and family.

If you want to know your type, take the test here

You see, I need to give you a little bit of geek info here for all of you personality type junkies. Although I possess introverted intuition which basically means I live my life in my head (it’s great there!), the “f” in my formation means that I also possess extroverted feelings. Again, to the laymen this means that I like to make people feel at ease and happy so I can appear extremely extroverted. I also morph into the situation I’m in.

For example, at parties, I will appear to be the life and soul but this is short lived as I quickly become exhausted and feel trapped in a World of small talk and exposure.

I can cope with it at work and as I have a job which requires me to be on the same wavelength with many different people, it works well. Also, I get to go home and veg for an hour to process my day and rest my tired brain,

You don’t have to have the same personality type as me to feel this way but many of you (almost 50% have an “I” formation don’t forget) will be identifying with some of what I’m saying.

alone bed bedroom blur

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Here are 5 signs you’re a strung-out introvert following Christmas…

  1. I feel tired all the time – mental tiredness is different from physical tiredness which we all feel at this time of year. Your brain just can’t seem to get into gear
  2. I feel upset or angry and I don’t know why – agitation with others is a sure sign that your introvert walls have been breached
  3. I feel as if everyone is getting to me – I will often describe this feeling as “fractured” like an eggshell that has been partially broken
  4. I want to be alone all the time – you’ve had enough “people time” you’ve been using your extroverted skills for the last few weeks and you’ve had enough
  5. I don’t feel like myself – you’re not serving the need inside of you to have quiet time. Often returning to work can be another stress, having to be around people and be your work persona

Luckily, there are things that you can do to help you through and soon you’ll be feeling your amazing quietly confident self again…

Own it!

Know that you are more introverted and accept that you actually need to be alone sometimes. This doesn’t mean disappearing on a Buddhist retreat for a month, it simply means accepting that it’s ok to feel as you do and understanding why.

Be Mindfully Alone

By this I mean take time to acknowledge that you are putting time aside to be alone. Even if it’s a walk, a run, a bath or shower; tell yourself “I’m taking this time for me” and enjoy it. You could even try notching up the amount of minutes you’ve taken throughout the day and indulgently look back on them at the end of the day.

Breathe

This is the best way to deal with, well, ANY situation. If you can find your breath and truly be with it, you’re onto a winner. First of all, look at the way you breathe. Stand in front of a mirror and take a deep breath in. Chances are your upper chest will rise and fall as you breathe…

WRONG!!

This is sadly the way too many of us breathe. We are only using our upper torso to breathe which means we’re missing out on essential yummy life giving oxygen.

Do a full BELLY BREATH try and bring the breath to the bottom of your belly so that it inflates when you breathe. If you don’t know what I mean, watch a baby or an animal breathe, they’re so much better at it!

adorable baby beanie bonnet

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Once you have the hang of this, breathe in fully for a count of 6, hold for a count of 6, breathe out for a count of 6 and hold for a count of 6.

Repeat this for around 1 and a half minutes. you’ll probably feel a bit dizzy (that’s the oxygen) but you’ll be energised and that’s another 1 and a half minutes just for you! you can do it anytime, anywhere.

Don’t be Afraid to say No

I’m rubbish at this, always have been –  and even now as I try an explain myself to my nearest an dearest I get blank looks. I choose to remember how much better I feel when I serve my self and my needs. I become the best version of me!

Hopefully, you will have found something to like about this blog. If, however, you’re reading it thinking “What is she talking about?” you’re probably one of the other amazing 50% of the World who are extroverts.

Extroverts! I salute you!

Introverts! I salute you!

Ambiverts! I salute you! (that’s a whole other story!)

Remember to be aware, but most of all, be kind, after all we are all needed to make the World go around.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

What just happened?

It’s INFJ day!

The Ultimate Four Letter Word

Why Introverts especially love a snow day – How Teenagers can survive school

What just happened?

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I’ve just opened my laptop after what seems like a lifetime. Flickering hopefully on the screen was the first few lines of my pre-Christmas blog. Eerily enough, I was due to talk about the fact that Christmas is not always a great time of year.

Many of the young adults that I work with do not look forward to time at home. At best it can be a source of stress or, in some cases; prolonged exposure to emotional and physical abuse.

I must admit it raised a smile when I read the beginnings of what would describe my Christmas this year… not all it’s cracked up to be.

We knew this year was going to be different but in a good way. For the first time in 10 years I was not going to be hosting Christmas! I was excited to be staying with my Dad and Step Mum and being thoroughly spoiled. This happened and thank goodness, as it provided a flicker of happiness in a very dark time.

You see, my husband’s mum, my mother-in-law; died quite suddenly on 14th December this year. 

There it is, said in one sentence but an event which shook our World at a time when families unite. It seemed like whilst the whole World hurriedly prepared for parties, presents and holidays, we were talking to funeral directors and choosing coffins.

So, Christmas has mostly been something to “get through” this year.

But, get through it we did, and here we are, ready to face a new year and a new time for our family.

We’ve had to dig deep and find the laughs where we could. Oddly, there were many of them and we are beginning to define our new normal.

So, my message is particularly personal this time. I want you to spend a minute or two thinking about what is most important to you. Then, give thanks for it and appreciate it. We are all loved in some way, make sure you know how you are loved and be aware of your own ripple effect too.

Much love to you all and a Happy 2019 from me.